Today, October 22, would have been my late husband Bob’s 85thbirthday. I had a party for his 84th.
Bob’s 84th b’day. I baked 3 cakes.
He was my rock, my best friend, my confident – and the best husband ever.
We were blessed with many good years together. Bicycle Bob converted me to cycling, his passion. We had wonderful bicycle adventures all over Europe. Climbing mountains was his favorite. I struggled to follow him up to many Alpine peaks. I got my revenge on the ski slopes. Skiing may not have been his favorite, but he followed me down challenging runs – always a good sport.
Bicycle Bob. In Austria with the cows, and in the Swiss Alps
We had enriching and memorable experiences during travels to distant lands: a wedding in Senegal, trekking to see gorillas in Rwanda, bicycling in Myanmar and Kenya, another wedding in India, and many more.
Rwanda:After a 3-hour trek uphill through the jungle, we reached the gorillas. It was thrilling – our most rewarding trip.
He loved our house in Reillanne, France, where we moved when he retired after working many years in Germany. He spent countless hours tending to his precious pine trees, started from seedlings growing in the cracks on the terrace of our rental apartment in Germany. He potted them, and repotted them time and again as they grew. At last they found a home in the ground in Reillanne where they flourished to become green giants standing tall like sentinels.
House in Reillanne, France.
At night Bob often sat in his rocking chair on the balcony, smoking a pipe, sipping a Drambuie, savoring the silence and the beauty of a sparkling sky.
Bob was diagnosed with Alzheimer five years ago, We downsized and moved to an apartment on the coast.
He missed his home, nighttime silence, stars, his pine trees….He knew his brain was slowly eroding. As the disease progressed, he became more and more depressed. But he loved getting out and being with friends. We still managed to have some good times – until he fell and broke his pelvis in December 2022. After a stay in the hospital, I tried to take care of him at home.
Good times in the Dolomites,summer 2022.
Sadly the fall and hospitalization accelerated his wicked, cruel disease. He was difficult, too difficult. I had to make a very difficult decision. Bob moved to a type of nursing home where he stayed until his death.
He was not happy in the home, often in agony about his brain. He rarely spoke. I visited daily. It was heartbreaking. There was nothing I could do to ease his pain.
The suffering ended on July 9. I miss him. I need him. However I am relieved that he is at peace. Thank you, my love, for a fabulous life
Following are more photos of Bob, some with me.
Bob was a wine aficionado. Above, toasting Charles on his birthday during our African safari.In the Oman desert.With son Rob and grandsons Lang and Sam on the Med.Abu DhabiWedding in Agra, India.Bob has seven siblings, pictured here with their spouses at a family reunion.With daughter KellieKing crabs in NorwayWe even biked in Myanmar.Bob had a hearty appetite. He loved fish– and desserts.Marriage in Basel, Switzerland,1990.
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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king’s horses and all the King’s men Could not put Humpty together again.
Like Humpty Dumpty, Leah (me) had a great fall. I was luckier than the egg. Dr. Chole, 32, an orthopedic surgeon in Nice, put me back together.
Dr. Chole
After this whopper of a crash, she had multiple pieces to repair. I suffered an open break of the femur. The bone on my right leg broke in several places above a knee prothesis. And, I broke and dislocated my left shoulder. During my 72-day hospital stay, I fell again and fractured the sacrum and pelvis.
It was challenging enough to cope with the damage and pain, but there was more grief to follow. About a month after my fall, my precious husband Bob died. He had been suffering from Alzheimer and living in a care home following his great fall last December. (see previous post, “Christmas without the Merry”)
My last “happy” picture of Bob. Minutes later he fell at the Nice Christmas market. It was all down hill after that.
I visited daily until disaster hit. He became very ill due to an infection. I was bedridden, immobile in a hospital. No way to visit. I was devastated, heartbroken. I needed, wanted to be with him. (More about Bob in my next post.)
Here’s the sorry story of my great fall: On June 7, as usual I was stressed and in a rush. I unloaded grocery bags near the elevator in the building basement, parked the car, and came back to proceed to the apartment. My mind and eyes were somewhere else. I tripped and fell over the bags, flying into a wall. I tried to get up. Impossible. I panicked, screamed, yelled for help. Finally, a resident came and called an ambulance.
First step: Give that woman drugs. They did, and I don’t remember anything after that until Dr. Chole in the Pasteur hospital emergency room explained my injuries and said she would operate.
I was told by a neighbor that the ambulance crew spent more than an hour before moving me. They called for a portable X-ray machine to make sure I had not broken my back. Apparently there was a lot of blood from the open break.
All unbeknownst to me. I woke up in the recovery room. What had I done? My leg, and arm and shoulder were enclosed in some type of heavy-duty armor. I could barely move.
For the next two- and one-half weeks I was bedridden at the hospital, but not without more trauma. Three days after the orthopedic surgery I suffered an intestinal occlusion. This meant another operation. Fortunately a very skilled surgeon performed laparoscopy. Unfortunately, during that surgery the repaired shoulder was moved which undid the repair work. I would need another shoulder surgery.
This can’t be real. A tsunami of tragedy and bad luck. If I hadn’t been taking strong pain killers (opioids), I might have cracked.
A week later, surgery #3. This time Dr. Chole performed a reverse shoulder replacement.
My right leg.
.
I had tubes in my arms, one in my nose, another in my bladder—all very unpleasant. As I lay there day after day, I thought about Bob who has suffered, and at that time was still suffering, tremendously. I thought about soldiers, their bodies ripped apart by war. How many surgeries did they endure? Would they ever be normal?… I can do this.
Comic relief lightened the load at times. Julie, a bright, bouncy young aide sang along with Tina Turner bellowing from her phone as she worked. She liked to practice her English.
Julie sang along with Tina Turner.
One morning as she was giving me a sponge bath, she handed me a wash cloth with the command, “Please refresh your pussy.” Did she say what I think she said? Plenty of laughs instantly chased away the blues. I explained and gave a quick English lesson.
The professor doctor, the intestinal surgeon who spoke good English, arrived most mornings with his entourage of diligent students. I had repeatedly asked him to remove the nasty tube in my nose. “You need to poop and fart first,” he replied. I laughed, not expecting a distinguished professor to use such terms. We then had a discussion on more acceptable terminology for these bodily functions.
An aide treats my incision, 25 cm or 10 inches long held together by 41 staples.
I left Pasteur, the hospital in Nice about 50 minutes from my apartment, and moved to a rehabilitation hospital in Menton, not far from Cap Martin where I live.
There was not much rehab during the first few weeks. I was basically still immobile. With relief and joy, after too many weeks I shed those dreadful cast- like contraptions.
With my improvement came daily therapy sessions. Therapy also included weekly meetings with a psychometrician, and an occasional session with a psychologist.
The therapy room is spacious, bright and filled with all sorts of equipment. A large staff of qualified therapists tend to patients who practice walking on tracks with parallel bars, work out on exercise bikes, follow sessions of chair exercises and more. Eventually I was able to go to the therapy pool for water exercise, my favorite.
A happy day. I could start to walk.
Many patients are old like me, recovering from falls. But there are also young, some learning to walk on artificial limbs. This puts it all in perspective.
Steve and Yoshie took me in my wheel chair to the new port in nearby Ventimiglia,Italy.
I enjoyed the therapy, but definitely suffered from cabin fever. Thanks to my brother Steve and his wife Yoshie, I escaped the hospital on August 18. They arrived from Boulder to help and take care of me for a month.
I sent them on errands They were a team, Steve driving my 4 speed Suzuki and Yoshie navigating. Steve was not thrilled with the driving in these parts: lots of narrow, one way streets; a multitude of tourists, and even more motorcycles and scooters. Not for the faint of heart.
I never would have survived without them. We ordered supplies from Amazon to create a handicap friendly environment in my apartment. Steve was skilled in assembling all. Yoshie was my nurse extraordinaire.
The homecoming welcome committee. My “girls” Simba and Oprah joined me in bed on my first night home.
It’s wonderful to be back in my apartment. I enjoy the company of my two cats, a stupendous view of the sea and mountains — and freedom. I return to the rehab center three afternoons per week for several hours of different types of therapy.
Recovery is slow, too slow for me. I need to drive. I want to walk normally. I can walk with my hiking poles, but only for very, very short distances. Too painful after that. My left arm only moves so far, not far enough to maneuver a steering wheel.
Home sweet home. Simba and Steve bonded.
In desperation I went to my general practitioner. I complained about the lack of speedier progress. He gave me a quizzical look.
“You need a year.”
There is a moral to this sorry story. Move slowly. Be alert. Watch where you walk. Manage stress.. Don’t end up like me – or worse, Humpty Dumpty.
.(Most all of my care — surgeries, medications and x-rays, hospital stays, therapy, plus transportation by ambulance to and from the rehab center three times per week, is paid for by the French social security system. As a resident of France, I am entitled to these benefits. I also have a supplemental insurance which covers the portion not covered by the state.
More outings now that I can walk with poles, even if only a few meters. Here with friend Angie.
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I recently visited my friend Karen, who rents an adorable apartment above the town of Camogli on the Italian coast south of Genoa. She was my guide for five days as we explored this bellissima region. Following are photos which say it all.
View of Camogli from Karen’s balcony
Karen at her favorite spot in San Rocco, about a half-hour walk from her apartment. Right, Camogli.
San Fruttuoso, a restored Romanesque abbey, can only be reached by boat from Camogli or on foot via a hiking trail. We opted for the boat.
San Fruttuoso
We had several hours to wait for our return boat. The only restaurant had not yet opened for the season, but the beach was a delight for relaxation.
Manarola, above, is one of the five Cinque Terre villages perched and nestled along Italy’s rocky Ligurian coast. They are a magnet for tourists, especially Americans after travel writer Rick Steves touted their merits. Many years ago husband Bob and I hiked the trail between the villages. It was magnificent – not packed with the masses. At this writing, parts of the trail are closed for repairs. Karen and I visited four villages by train.
Manarola, one of the Cinque Terre villages
Lots of tourists, mainly Americans, visited Vernazza, the most popular village, in March, well before the tourist season.
Portofino is another tourist hot spot.
Karen and I enjoyed a pricey lunch in Portofino.
Along the coast near Portofino
We followed the recommendation of a German tourist and hiked to the Portofino lighthouse. Right, another view of Portofino
Nino, a very affectionate and friendly cat, belongs to the owner of Karen’s apartment who lives below her. I thought Nino was one of those rare cats with two different coloured eyes. Not so, I learned. The blue eye minus the pupil is his souvenir of a cat fight he lost.
Was this cat an ancient ancestor of Nino?. This portrait of a monk and his cat hangs on the walls of San Fruttuoso.
Only in Italy: My hotel room window had a clothes line outside (left) — very practical. Clothes hanging out to dry decorate many buildings in Italy.
One more photo of Camogli
Albergo La Camogliese, a centrally located hotel in Camogli, is affordable with friendly, helpful staff. You even get a clothes line outside your window. http://www.lacamogliese.it
My other writing projects, Immigrants on the Italian border and Alzheimer- caregivers and victims, are on the burner.
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A complicated tale of money, violence, crime, racism, lies, traffickers, a story of misery, tragedy, heartbreak and death: Immigrants on the Italian- French border.
I met this friendly young man from Guinea in Ventimiglia. He told me he fled his corrupt, poverty-ridden country by boat from Tunisia. He wanted to continue on to France where he hoped to find work since he speaks French. He was very proud of his flashy red sport garb from Guinea where he was a “footballer” and also a sports reporter.
There are similarities to the dreadful situation on the Mexican-US border. Thousands and thousands risking their lives to escape conflict, persecution, famine, death. The journeys are dangerous, often plagued with violence, theft, and hunger. They only want a chance at life, to have food and shelter, to work, to live in peace. They deserve that chance. Will they get it?
Relier volunteers filling food sacks for the immigrants.
I live in France just 20 auto minutes from the French-Italian border. I recently started volunteering with a French organization, Relier, offering assistance to the homeless immigrants in Ventimiglia, the Italian border town. The majority are young, black males from dozens of different African countries . Most want to enter France, perhaps proceed to other European countries. In this part of France, they are not welcome.
Immigrants in Ventimiglia enjoying a free meal provided by Relier, a volunteer organization .
It is a complex topic. I plan to write a more extensive article/blog soon. I need more time and research. Watch this space.
Another topic I am very involved with is Alzheimer. For four plus years I have watched this cruel disease slowly destroy my husband. I will write more on that too, with a focus on the dedicated caregivers devoted to the lost and confused.
Bob Update
Bob brushes a rabbit at his new home. Rabbits, cats and dogs visit once a month to the delight of the residents.
I had hoped to post a blog on one of the above sooner, but since that has not been possible, and it’s been so long since I have posted, I wanted to give a preview of what’s on my agenda. And, an update on husband Bob since my last post: Christmas without the Merry.
The helpers I mentioned in that post, Kyle and Paola, were fabulous, although Paola quit after three days. Apparently, it was too much for her. I could not have survived without Kyle. He managed Bob with perfection and helped me keep my sanity. It was not easy for either of us. The accident (fall and broken pelvis in several places) greatly accelerated the Alzheimer. Bob was confined to a hospital bed in the living room. He was difficult, especially at night when he was very agitated and slept little.
This restaurant at Les Citronniers, Bob’s home, is for the non Alz residents. I can accompany him there from time to time for a tasty meal, with wine of course.
After three weeks, Kyle and I, both exhausted, came to the same conclusion. We could not continue. Fortunately, I found a place for Bob in a near-by EHPAD, a type of French medicalized senior citizen home. He is in the Alzheimer unit with 14 others. The staff are patient, caring. The food is good, very French with four-course meals and a gouter (snack) in the afternoon. The ambience is pleasant– bright, clean and spacious. He has never asked to leave, to come home. I don’t think he remembers our apartment nor realizes where he is and why. That is sad, but probably a blessing. I visit daily.
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Happy Christmas. May your holiday season be filled with joy, fun, good food and loving company.
Unfortunately, this will not be the merriest of Christmases for us. On December 2, husband Bob fell in Nice. We had been enjoying the spectacular lights, the Christmas market and lively ambiance. He was especially relaxed and happy which made me very happy.
Bob enjoyed oysters, a French holiday special, just before the dreadful fall in Nice.
But it all came to a tragic end. He was transported by ambulance to a Nice hospital where X-rays and a scan showed he had broken his pelvis in three places. He spent six days in the hospital. I alternated between commuting and staying in a hotel so I could visit. I was not pleased, neither with the care nor the hospital personnel. I decided he would be better off at home where I could care for him.
Since he is supposed to be bedridden for six weeks, this is especially challenging. His Alzheimer is advanced to the stage that he neither remembers nor understands. I realized I could not cope alone. Thanks to recommendations from friends, I was able to find live-in, 24-hour care. Kyle, who is with us five days per week, is a young and robust Filipino who is a master at changing Bob’s diaper and cleaning him up. Paola is Italian, the quintessential Italian mama She is with us two days per week and is an excellent cook. These Christmas angels are a blessing.
We visited an orthopedic specialist at the local hospital this week. Good news. Bob can now sit up (previously this was forbidden) and can begin to practice walking in early January. And, he can use a chair toilet which is now next to the hospital bed in the living room. (A super Christmas present) I am hoping there will be an opening for him at the hospital’s rehabilitation center. He will need serious physical therapy.
Paola prepared a delicious roast sea bass.
Life is full of ups and downs. Bob and I are very fortunate. We have had lots of wonderful ups.
Nice Christmas trees
We are also very lucky to be part of the French health care system and its generous benefits. Not perfect, but:
1) We paid nothing for Bob’s hospital stay, all the tests, medications. 2) We paid nothing for the ambulance trip from the hospital back to our home, about a 45-minute trip, nothing for the ambulance trips from our apartment to the local hospital for X-rays and doctor appointments. 3) All prescription medications and doctor visits are completely covered. 4) A nurse comes daily to give an anti-coagulant injection at no cost to us. 5) A nurse comes twice per week to draw blood for a lab test – all covered. 6) And, we have been supplied with an amazing array of equipment for an at-home hospital. No charge for rental and delivery of a hospital bed, bed table, wheel chair, walker, therapeutic lounge chair, and the chair toilet.
In addition we are entitled to regular check-up visits by a nurse and twice per day visits for aides to come and bathe him, change him. We are on the waiting list for these. There is a serious lack of medical personnel in France. Fortunately, we have our at-home help.
Kyle helps Bob into the potty chair.
It is not all roses. I was not thrilled with his Nice hospital stay. I found the staff – nurses, aides, interns – cold, lacking in empathy, concern. Once when I needed assistance with him, neither a nurse nor aide was to be found for almost an hour. During the entire six days at the hospital, we never saw a full-fledged doctor, including 11 hours in the emergency room. It was frustrating and depressing. Apparently, it is the same problem – not enough personnel. But those at the Pasteur hospital in Nice need a Dale Carnegie course: “How to win Friends.” Just a smile and “How are you today?” would have made a big difference.
Happy Happy New Year. Be careful. Stay healthy.
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I finally added a new recipe: Chicken Paprikash, inspired by our fabulous visit to Budapest in September. See Today’s Taste above right, or scroll way down if viewing on a phone.
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